today so busyyy!!
tick scan through tick check tick count scan through flip tick check count tick flip scan through ...
this is wad i did the Whole Day!... alot cartons of gds den i everytime sway sway ppl see mii ask mii chop den i nid to count etc liao le ... ... sigh.. ... den heard frm Huiying tmr will haf 100+ carton?? don scare mii.... =( but is fun... but the whole day i no time to check my ringbks, its all mess up liao!!!!! =(=(=( i m addicted to doing the ring bk but ... ... ... its all in a bloody mess!!!!!

* hais, i m starting to miss him alreadii..and i haf alr not seen him for a wk! =(

- anyway, tt time i went lunch wif my colleages i saw Jason and his girlfwen.. .. haha, he become BLACKER n BLACKER.. ... cute guy he is... but now i tink he alr forget mii le bah?? hee, my gege... wii grew up tgt etc so he couldnt haf forget mii?? he send mii an email askin mii out on sat but i got work.. ... tbss.. and now tech so 'fada' he still emailing, y wun he juz sms mii..?? hehe
- den Nicholas gg to start sch soon i tink??? a lil confuse about Poly's sch duration etc since diff course haf diff stuffs.. .. but he still aint giving up to askin mii to go Singapore Poly leh... ... i will NEVER go there... unless i flunk my eng and other polys wun accept mii Cept sp... =)

looked past dreams,
looked byond destiny,
looked for wonders,
prayed upon miracles,
all i saw was mirages,
nothing seemed perfect at all..


everything i prayed upon vanished,
every hope i held on burst,
everyone i relied disappear,
and this cold world left only mii,
stranded among strangers i am,
the only insignificant person....

i juz wanted to be someone special in ur heart,
but i noe that is impossible and i sld stop the wishful thinking,
but every lil thing euu do,
every smile euu made,
every frown euu had,
made mii wanted to be closer to euu,
yet i had to stop myself bcoz there is someone else,
and i noe no matter wad i did,
euu couldnt see an insignificant person like mii,
i am juz nobody in ur eyes... ....

today off den went kbox wif Pearlyn.. haha so funny she dunno how to read the Fan Ti Zi, den she always stuck de... heehee.. but so sad i tink today a lot ppl or sth den wii got chased out at 2pm SHARP! den go popular @ North to disturb ppl and to wait for Huiying for Sakae..
i so heartbroken.. my ringbooks are in a mess not to mention the two 'hills' in front and the diary... ... hais.. tmr i still off meaning i friday surely will see messes and therefore i will faint and therefore, i will haf to kp and kp and kp.. *weeps* but i ask Dylan help mii maintain de loh but he din bother lah.. hais, evil person he is... =p
den wii walked around, hands itchy go pack toys and i still haf to serve THREE customers coz the rest of ppl busy den June cant find anybody cept mii.. * sobs *...
I REALLY WANTED THE DOG THAT BITES ON THE HEART SAYING [ I LOVE EUU ]
anybody wanna buy for mii?? haha... its so cute and cuddly... i love it!! and if anybody buy it i will CRY~~ =( ... ahhh!!!

den wii went to Sakae lah.. i nv tried Jap foods in bulk b4 so i kp askin Huiying wad's this and tt den the three of us kp laughin lah.. i tink wii full 50% coz of the laughing... Laugh till full.. haha.. Pearl eat damn lil lah.. i n huiying combine = arnd 18 plates and she?? 5??? haha... ... den go eat dinner wif Clare they all, but wii din eat lah... hehe.. den walk arnd popular and i did sth REAL STUPID...

the customer wanted a wand, so i told june to brin her to Disney ther got a MAGIC WAND, den say got music.. so i press, but no sound den pearl was tellin mii no batt so i press again, den suddenly got music sia.. i say [ Wah.. the music not bad ].. den suddenly hear RuanJinTian's voice.. DAMN! its my hp ringtone lah... .... :$ .. *shy*.. i got so so so embarrassed and awkward.. hais. i m an idiot lah...

cry! today so busy!!! actually is tt uncle on i off de loh.. den can go sing wif Chewei,betty,kevin,kimboon,bernard... budden... AHHH!!!!!! wanna kill ppl liao.. den mornin so sian nth to do guess wad stupid thing i do?? i pack the row.. WHOLE ROW leh.. frm staplers to pens... walau.. i pack halfway regret liao coz... ... .. is really messy lah.. and no use.. pack so nice aftnn all messed up liao.. .. hai. think liao wanna cry.. den aftnn SUDDENLY alot ppl den i so busy stationary only mii leh.. =(

hais i m so unluckily.. kaien is comin back, nicholas is angry wif mii, jazz is playing disappearance, i today so busy, and i saw him... =(

lunch time i go eat wif Wenting den saw him and his stead walk past mii i shock loh.. he got stead meh? den i really damn shock lah.. but no use le lah hor?? juz want him to b happie so wadever his choice is i m happie for him... who ask mii nv tell him ..?? hais... den still gimme see thief in work.. .. professionalist sia him.. ..lol..

den i m counting down to 22th where Kaien is comin back... ... i haf been thinkin of wad he say these few days lah.. den it still don make sense lah.. [ miss mii ]? really?? hais.. but he comin back study poly wif mii but useless loh.. coz he already gt dip in canada le.. 17 only wan so many dip for wad?? den my mama allow mii go Airport pick him up lah.. but den i still tinkin about it. coz v late leh.. den i scared ghost lah.. lol ...

i so addicted to 'bu si zhi mi' ... haha.. today pop i tink celebrating X;mas den got free buffet.. a lot ppl went back i tink, but i din coz i went k wif Jiemin n Sinren.. .. haha.. v funny leh den wii all sing till v emotional... and i din go outoftune in Lydia~~~ yep!! haha.. but den Du Chang Qing Ge tt time i sing boy de den i 'ging' until pekcek halfway change to female.. haha.. no choice, i sing high de mah... =p hee... .. den go shop shop den my mama call mii ask mii go pop help her take her books, she reserve de... three identical de sia.. den saw Kevin n Wenjing n Chewei and the rest lah... haha, den Anna tell mii not to buy the Kueh book but buy the Crab one coz crab nicer.. .. cute lah.. haha... .. den chat wif Pearl and Chewei lah. saw June but din say hi she looked so busy.. ... hais...

为什么这个时候让我记起你？如果，你没回来，我不会那么彷徨无助！
我知道你一直都在努力跟我联系，但是，毕竟我们隔着一大片海洋。平时，我也很少记起你，但是，你却突然的送我礼物，说了那些让我再次心动的话，说你要回来，说你想我。是人，都会陶醉。我很害怕，又再一次陷入迷雾里。

today damn sucks loh.. tt girl!
say liao go watch death note den say don wan liao.. forget it, she kp niao mii till i no choice fa wei. den still kp niao mii.. i good to bully fun to pangseh hor??stupid lah..

anyway, i went back popular.. haha. damn funny i went to collect my comic but LaiChoo not arnd, den BErnard ring three bells den i too used liao go counter there ask him wad! haha.. ... den dylan run lah. but den he also funny loh.. not used of seeing pop ppl w/o their hat.. ahha.. then saw huiying den she tell mii sth DAMN FUNNY!! hahahhahaa.. y i today off... misses this morn 'meeting' too pity le... .. so funny loh.. den saw pearlyn den she also tell mii the same funny thing.. haha.. i n her look too much alike liao izzit?? but pearlyyn n huiying sld see the C face when she saw mii.. like SHOCK!! hahahahahhahahahahaha cant stand it!! so funny. den Clare so busy wanna tok to her also cannot.. ... YuChoo n MiaoXiang Auntie arnd den i tok to them loh.. .. den go disturb Auntie yuxiang n bernard n auntie shirley.. .. haha.. Auntie Shirley v cute lah.

hais, these days ah.. tornado sia.. i haf to work for 5 straight days.. forget this,
23th
i got fed-ex mail.. the company damn professional loh. is my honey mail de.. ... haha jkjk.. is a long lost fwen(luv)? KaiEn's Xmas present to mii frm CANADA!! god! but he is an impt guy/fwen in my life lah... ... first crush smore.. ahha, den he sms mii and ask if i got mail liao coz he ask the company to send to mii on 23th. den he say he will call mii at night. so i tell him to call @ 10.20. den i 10.15 wanna leave liao, dyln ask mii tidy diary.. make mii miss the call...!!! arg!!! den he leave for sch liao so cant call him back... my ma nag at mii loh, say wad why bois callin frm oversea? tot i go IRC make international fwen or wad den anyhow gif no. plz, i m not tt cheap...
24th
siao, X;mas eve only 5 ppl workin sia, den a lot presents to wrap... ... but fun lah.. ... anyway, popular nth nice to say .. =) but at night 2300 Kaien call mii !! haha, juz bath finish den he call.. lucky my mama slp liao.. den wii chat till midnight i also donnoe den he suddenly sing on the phone "merry christmas to you " den i look clock saw is midnight which is 25th liao.. damn touched and i tink he damn sweet lah.. ... he sounded so .. adulty.. but i noe he is always the Kaien i noe .. ... coz he send mii de present, inside got two TWO photo album of him... ... all him sia.. ..... frm 15 yrs old to 17 yrs old.. .. god! say he scared i miss him.. .. PUKE! haha... ... too bad i nv take pictures of miiself de cant send him... . haha.. but he is damn nice lah.. ... but he say he misses singapore and his fwens here.. so i ask him, mii included?? he say not counted as fwen.. ... but he also cant explain y but he noe he got miss mii this two yrs.. but he coming back on 22th January.. .... permanantly!! damn happie.. den wii chat a lot about his life and my life and all the changes lah.. ... really shocked he remember mii coz even thou my bday/christmas/newyr all the holidays he def will send e-card but first time he sending GIFT, den he say coz he comin back so wan to re-build my impression of him.. ... haha.. den i told Nich about him b4 den i tell him he comin back on 22th den Nich diao mii say " good loh "... ... so fed-up for waD??!
25th
christmas day pop so empty.. ... i spend three hours pack toys dept till v v v tidy. den i don wan pack/ go in liao.. coz scared messy i will heartache. .... den i run "three bells" till i went mad! haha... ... but i damn tired i tink coz i spend the whole night on phone wif Kaien.. .. hais, tink my ma gg mad when phone bill come... .. 1hr 30 min of oversea call frm CANADA leh.. .... =(

既然已经变质了，那么我也没那个心情去理会；反正，我早就看清友谊并不是永远，而我的爱情永远都只停留在友情间。

hais... nowadays so shitty loh... so sians...
den i cant even go out during norm time coz of work... .
anyway, been watching Hana Kimi.. Outrageous storyline... gorgeous guys... =)
then the stupid death note ep 12 haven subbed yet i watch den i tink i m mad lah.. haha... coz i don understand jap.. and walao wad the fuck, the Misa in the anime so damn damn damn ugly.. like cao ah-lian ... the real movie de Misa chio-er... cant wait for death note2... hais, popular got their calendar but its damn small and the pictures got line lines de.. .. =(
den someone re-upload Prince Frog, so i create new playlist.. hahahahah.. but Angel Lover's s getting boring n my Scissors Paper Stone end liao... ... sigh.. kp re-watchin Fahrenheit's stuffs and WQYL... ... Even youtube is getting boring... ..

anyway, Sunday i went to lunch n dinner wif Clare n Kelvin den kinda funny lah the topic wii chat about. Clare is mad loh, buy a CD earring.. ... mwhaha, wad does it means?? hahahahhaha.... anyway, ysday i help the toys promoter takecare toys kinda beat by a kid walao eh!! i see euu small boy don gen ni ji jiao.. if euu adult i slap euu liao le lah... Fuck it! take my rabbit out, den i take back liao hit mii like mad on the BACK!@@@ painleh. Wad da hell loh... .. Arg.. den point at mii say i notty girl... damn him! =@


Nicholas ysday sms mii ask mii get off on 25th but i cant lah... no one wanna switch wif mii.. ... wanna cele X'mas wif Jazz they all.... but its stupid loh.. ... i mean, cakes are so out0dated liao.. .. but wii planning go sing kbox till.. .... 2am(k box closes) ...... hais. then i tell him if can 26th then he sort of pissed mii off by calling mii and saying in a bad tone "na me qing zhu shen me?? ni you mei you gao cuo?" ... den i shout back lah.. ... call mii at 11PM and scold mii.. stupid ho? den i tink i sort of hurt his feelings loh, but heck carre liao.. nowadays i damn moody... .... no choice.. easily pissed off at small lil thing... den jazz sms mii say 26th ok but now my turn to consider... ... but coz of the shouting to phone thingy, my mama scold mii loh, say y i rude to fwen.....i also lazy to xplain xplain xplain...every lil thing also nid explain.. den i juz ignore her go slp loh.. but i slp-less sia.. .. den i wake up at 11.30 today.. diao rite?? =)

第三章的惆怅：
從來沒有那么渴望你欺騙我；
是一陣風吹熄了承諾；
你走後留下的玻璃碎，
割傷了早已停止跳動的心；
雨滴包囊著淚水；
哀泣聲引風而來；
鋼琴的音符；
濃烈著悲哀;
原来自由是那么的可欲不可求。

went bowlin wif Jun and her fwen

hais.. today so damn busy... . .. v scared see Dylan now, sure no gdd thing de.. ask mii arrange things .. ... bleh! went to lunch n dine wif Claire.. she is mad and fun lah.. ..! lol.. den got one customer v wad loh, i spent 1/2 hr wif her on Stapler.. she wan mii take out one by one for her.. .. den those i paste the whole morn de leh.. ARG! den someone stock up the staplers without price tags so i haf to tags... den got one more customer go ask mii about PVC glue but don believe when i say the white will become transparent when dry.. .. sigh... today so busy...

承受，成熟；
我能够承受，表示我已经成熟。

hais, so long never blog?now blog the whole wk's thingy bah?? lol,,,
why i nv blog?
coz i got work @ popular mah... !

haha, first day go there learn stationery's dept staffs...

hais Nicholas, got euu wif mii so good! hais.. i today really jing shen fen lie.. honestly i suspect i got split personality.. euu wanna sponser mii go see psychologist? i really think too much le lah.. den walau, get depressed all of sudden den make till everyone next to mii feel COLD~~ coz haha, i rarely tone down norm i m LOUD and CRAZY, so once i quiet ppl will tink strange strange but actually i also dunno wad happen to mii lor.. sudden tink of sth v sad, like my non0existin lovelife or tot kena pangseh (tink too much) den become so depressed.... ... either i tinkk too much or not i got split personality.. .. Very split somemore.. ... Hais...

一颗心到底能承受多少打击？你想知道吗？怎么老是在考验我？有时很想知道，到底老天惩罚人的方式是什么？有时崩溃，很想哭，却又得逼着自己把眼泪藏起，因为－就算哭，也没人会理。

后来才了解，在不断的折磨和磨练中，我慢慢成长。一只毛毛虫，变成美丽的蝴蝶前不是也要经过一段磨练？小树在狂风暴雨中，学着坚强。婴儿开始走路时，也要懂得如何跌倒后爬起。原来，我已经长大了！
以前逃避，害怕，恐惧；现在我了解到　［　成熟不是心变老，而是眼泪在打转还能微笑。　］
而我，以前每次不开心，都会找你哭诉，都会哭。现在，我懂得如何掩饰难过，不再那么依赖你。

以前不懂的东西太多了。
不懂原来恋爱那么痛；不懂原来眼泪是女孩子的珍珠；不懂什么叫心软；不懂如何分辨同情和爱情；不懂跌倒的伤；不懂原来你在身边；不懂如何照顾身旁的人；不懂爱情。　非得撞个满头包才懂痛。

现在，了解到，想珍惜，你还在吗？
时间好残酷，不让我回头，也不让我停留。
地吸引力好讨厌，不让我下跌，也不会留住我。
你更可怕，不让我忘记你，却又不让我得到。

你，还会回来吧？想把你变成风筝，因为我知道，我不会轻易放手，除非，你真的很想往天空飞翔。如果这样，我会陪着你。

wow! long time nv blog.. haha.. started working on FRI... fun, data-entrying is fun.. the manager is good to mii too! =) pleased..

yea! today finally bought my Ipod NANO! pinkish.. =) 4GB ... congratulations to myself..

today went kbox wif Jiemin and Wenbin.. lol COLD~~~ and fUN~~ hee ... snatching songs, and singing like mad.. haha. the people working at kbox must think wii r ' wen ti er tong '( problem kids ) ... so many problems.. den somemore treat us like cute lil children... LOL but today's fun.. sigh i really hope the bowling/pooling on Tues can change to fri... really really hope.. sigh... =)

我不曾拥有过你，所以当你转身离开，要我放手，我不会心痛更不会难过。
原来，你不曾爱过我，没有思念，没有涟漪。
原来，当一个人心思后，迎来的竟是解脱。
人应该学会洒脱的！
我懂了，谢谢你教会我那么多，谢谢你让我爱过你。

第二章的期待：
到如今，我依然相信，
在那遥远的远方，
有个人，一个了解我，
赏识我，懂我，爱我，
他会在我难过时，
努力的让我脸上绽放笑容，
在我脆弱时，
伸出双手在旁静静扶持我，
在我累了时，
毫不犹豫的让我依靠，
在我彷徨时，
细心的为我指引方向，
他不一定要完美，
太完美，我会怕，
只要他爱我，疼我就够了，
我仍然相信，
总有一天，
命运会让我们相见，
像是一条隐形的线，
牵引着我们，
会有那么一天的。。。

today is a totally fun day... i mean there is the big hoh celebrations that prelims is finally over. then there is the stress and thre's the fear of the results.. den there's kbox cheering..
haha
fun day today is..

today is woopsy-hooh~
Went far east wif Jiemin...buy lokpui's bday present.. poor Wenbin, cant come out.. mwhaha...
saw a lot clothes tt i love.. haha.. wanna buy.. but i m BROKE~ bleh.. so i m jz gg to save up. yah nid save for kbox on Tues too.. den damn it~ gg only on Wednesday for my retainer... which is urg.. teeth-less gal... =(
i m sycophantic.. extremely.. .. coz i am a self-flatterer.. haha.. but then this time euu guys sld honestly listen to mii.. i m gg to get horrible results for my Prelims...

hais... today i m so so unlucky..
first, my retainer's fake teeth drop out, so i got the whole toothless day thingy today.. feel so empty without...
then chem, puh-lease Section B's 30marks i gif Ms Tang free-of-charge sia... :)
他还不懂，
还是不懂，
离开是想要被挽留，
如果开口那只是我要来的温柔，
他还不懂，
永远不懂，
一个拥抱能代替所有，
爱绝对能够动摇我。
＊＊＊＊＊＊＊
希望你理解爱上你有多难，
像童话里的故事，
可恶的安排，
明明两个人都相爱，
却偏偏遇阻碍，
非得让人痛彻心扉，
才能证明爱存在，
我们如何找到出路，
通往爱的国渡，
闭上眼默念三遍，
call my name 我就出现，
有时候寂寞难眠，
像不醒的梦魇，
闭上眼数了三遍，
你应该要出现，
但你却又失言，
让我看不见。
如果你能明白，
这场相爱有多难，
想童话中的傀儡，
口是心非，
以为你找到了幸福，
我却感到好无助，
只能笑笑去祝福，
偷偷掉着泪，
我们拼命想找出路，
通往爱的国渡。
永远究竟多么遥远，
为何我总无缘，
无法好好体验，
爱不像你跟我说的，
简单像许个愿。
但你对我失言，
不在我身边。

第一章的忧愁：
阴凉的夜晚，飞蛾扑捉灯火一眨一眨，
微风吹开刘海，露出泪流两行，
身边的空虚，不习惯见到无人在旁，
心，突然一阵痛，
泪，决堤了，
笑，不在出现，
雨，竟一丝丝吹动着我的思念，
记得在酸甜梦里，
当我转身时，欲向你开口，
我却孬得羞得低头，
缘？份？，
遇见你，改变我的一切，
思想和脑袋的掌控者，
你不能不顾我而去啊，
这到底是宿命，还是命运？
是事实，还是一堆不可一世的谎言？

so long din blog.. i m suffocating.. really .. and pss.. Jazz Lin. i m BLOGGING NOW.. bleh. i dun care if its one short post as long as i can make euu real bad... :)

Under Ur Spell
I lived my life in shadow
Never the sun on my face
It didn't seem so sad, though
I figured that was my place
Now I'm bathed in light
Something just isn't right

I'm under your spell
How else could it be
Anyone would notice me?
It's magic, I can tell
How you've set me free
Brought me out so easily

I saw a world enchanted
Spirits and charms in the air
I always took for granted
I was the only one there
But your power's shone
Brighter than any of I've known.

I'm under your spell
Nothing I can do
You just took my soul with you
You worked your charms so well
Finally, I knew
Everything I dreamed was true
You make me complete!

The moon to the tide
I can feel you inside
I'm under your spell
Surging like the sea
Drawn to you so helplessly
I break with every swell
Lost in ecstasy
Spread beneath my willow tree
You make me complete

ok. today is great. i mean great haha. hmm... Prelims are coming, and this no-un stress thing is scaring mi.. haha. so gotto pull myself up and work~ work like a bull. speaking of bulls... I gotto TAKE THE BULL BY THE HORN, and face the music~ Physics and Chemistry, i m done playing hide and seeko wif euu.. haha.. gonna show my face. euu either hit it straight up, or i hit ya~ cheers.. noe i do badly for my Paper one in English and i m afraid for paper two~ i m counting on it to pass coz i noe my paper two din pass... .. i din even MANAGE to scrap through.. and if i did, gonna pray~

really hated chemistry~

today is... BORING~
haha.. hais.. no choice.. whu ask tmr is sch opening.. i din even noe if dere is hw.. i din even bother... and tues is Chemistry practical.. OMG~ gg to DIE~


刚开始时，
我以为你已习惯了自由所以不想承诺，
后来才发现事实并非如此，
刚开始时，
我以为保持沉默不多说是你一般作风，
后来才明白是我无法让你开口，
刚开始时，
我以为你始终还是深深喜欢着我，
后来才知道原来是你一直的迁就，
在感情世界里，
是是非非懵懵懂懂，
都是我们无知惹的祸，
蝴蝶翩翩起舞，
可是我却感受不到华丽中的美好，

hmm.. today is so ' jing bao~' ...
went to Toa to watch the Superstar Audition.. really gotto say that the girls are fantastic.. hmm. feel like buying a shirt. mickey~ but i was tempted but din gif it to temptation. THUMBS UP for mii.. no choice.. feel like i haf been buying a lot recently~ haha.. anyway the superstar audition is superb.. wif Alfred [ SOUL ] and Khim, Zhiyang~ Dean~ DERRICK~ ahhh.. he is so so so so cute ... ... haha... then of course this supreme enjoyment of singing and watching nid mii to sacrifice my poor legs.. stand for 3hr long.. i don mind shopping for straight three hours coz its.. well SHOPPING but juz standing?? its horrible.. haha.. but anyway, i luv Derrick lahh...
haha. anyway, i feel forsaken leh.. i donno y lah. Exams un-stress stress lah... .. haha...

today is an eye-opener... i mean it like really *WOW*...
went to woodlands lib to study... the ppl there... *WOW ~
done three emaths p1 *WOW ~
went to shop at Causeway .. feel like buying the pinstripes @ 77th street but i prefered the member's price.. its so nice~ haha. bought a flabby pink shirt @ This Fashion... hmm... perhaps this prelims-no-stress thingy gettin on mii, having shopping spree always.. wonders.... haha...
hmm, almost rash enough to go Douby see tt guy still there.. but i m not tt MAD lah... haha..
upsetted... i cant borrow Buffy DVD in lib. must be premium member, wadever tt means... haha.. luv mii spikey, but guess i haf to make do wif digging vid @ youtube.com and reading the transcripts... ...

i noe i haf attitude problems, what is the deal? i cant stop having them.. they are part of mii, and if euu cant handle, cant cope GET OUT OF MY LIFE ... i luv it the way its, attitude-ty sally and crazy sally... i don wan euu go messing up wif my life anymore, gotta shut the gates lock the door and pulled euu away far... if euu dun like it, do i look like i care?? dont go knocking on my door once i declare euu OUT~ juz poof,prrf and get away.. messed up wif mii, euu r a goner...

f***.. today sucks totally... .. i haf to wak eup damn early juz to acc. the Old Great to polyclinic... then i waited for like.. two hr. no kidding... yup it IS two hr... juz to save some stupid money.. it IRKS... then of coz its home sweet-bloody hell- home... ... i mean, home is no longer home. i desire to get out of these bloody cold algid hard sickening four walls... xcept the fact tt my bed and this bloody mac com is holding mii back from leaving, i think i wld haf gone away... leave this stupid hell of home. yea home.. whu cares?whu nid a home, family.. Father And Mother I Love You.. bullshitty... father and mother they hate euu ... they cant wait to see euu squirm while they tink up of the latest fads and devices juz to make ur life miserable... and damn it! i m SIXTEEN~ sweet sixteen? i m countin more on hatred sixteen. bitterly spicy sixteen... being sixteen sux. i noe i m slacking, i probably fail O' lev big time. i mean, is there a greater loser den mii?? argh.. i m pathetic.. and these anger, they planted on mii.. raging, firing, manifesting.. going to suffer an outburst of outrage and fiery...

SOUL RAGING

I used to ...
the walls juz disappeared around mii, fears gripped mii, nth to surorund mii... i m trying to remember, to keep touch, why i was afraid previously, to be myself and let the covers fell away...dont let me be the last to noe, dun hold back and let go... i m masked behind someone unreal, a figment of my imagination, urs maybe too... i wonder whu tt girl in the mirror is sometimes. i tink i noe her, but i really dun. trying to unveil wad is inside, i really wished i cld. there is a story in her eyes, lullabies and goodbyes, and her heart gets broken easily... she's crying out tonight, and i wanted to make her feel alright. i wish there is something i cld do to make her feel better...the pain feels tore my heart apart, but i believe this sense of loneliness and confusion will fade..this girl is me...

And how i feel
i m waiting in the dark, so alone, lost and cold. i tot euu'd be here, there's nth but rain, and tears covering blurred eyes. no footstep on the ground, no savior to be seen anywhere around... no one bothers to care, care to find me, to seek me... wont someone come and save me? its a damn cold night, i m crounching here, trying to figure out my life. won euu take me by the hand take me somewhere new?come notice me, and take my hand... i don gif a damn of whu euu are, but i follows euu like a possessed girl, trying to make things crystal clear.... everythings is in a mess and no one like to be alone, so why are euu leaving mii here lonely only?i m crying out loud yet no one bothers to listen, the painful screams in me, deaf by the yelling. no one hear the desperate cries.. euu weren't there when i was scared and i was alone in the dark. listen to mii, hear me scream. i m starting to trip, i m lost, losing my grip and i m in this thing alone.....no one cares. i m here, alone yet no one looked at me.. everyone is toking to each other, no one seemed to be toking to me. strangers stranded among strangers, deserted between empty corridors... i feel like an unwanted child, given up by God's will...

I tried giving up
why is this life so confusing? am i out of my mind, going nuts?or is this world spinning? are euu aware of how euu make me feel? am i invisible to euu? am i unreal?tell me world, i nid an answer. why did euu turn away when i feel so anguish, feel so hurt.. i was left to cry out there, waiting outside this world grinning wif a lost stare, daze.. things ended up so wrong and i cant cry over spill milk... what haf i done to deserve this? i juz cant help but wonder , why things changed? loneliness seemed up ahead, emptiness behind... everytime i try to fly, i fall without my wings, its broken... i used to think , i had the answer to everything. life doesn go my way, and i m caught in the middle...open ur eyes luv, open up wide... i m here again, walking through time looking for an answer, how can it be this way? please shield me, i faced up to more than i cld face and i've seen much.cant shut my eyes thou..

Now...
then i realize, truth hit me like bucket of cold water... Why should i care what goes around in this damn world? euu are screwing up my head... it hurts.but euu can nvr hurt me coz i recognize the pain, gotta shut euu out of my door... say what euu can, worsh she can, now i live for myself... i juz nid time, joy, space, love and feeling myself. i cant get no satisfaction, when i m not feeling myself. this is juz my imagination? admit, i m the girl i m. euu r gonna see things through my perspective and i nid to make mistakes juz to see whu i really am, to learn how strong i really am... i don wanna be so damn protected, and there must be another way coz i believe in taking chances..

My true Thoughts
Gosh, i nid some answer, like how m i supposed to be doing wif my messed up life?i cant help the way i feel. but everytime i do things i tot i haf done, i stand corrected, corrupted.i cant believe wad i learn about this world, then i realize i m too damn protected. leave mii alone. i nid no body telling me what i wanna gonna do. its my destiny my faith and i m fed-up wif ppl telling me to be someone else but not me...i m better off without euu... stinker and everybody... i m telling euu , dont go knocking on my life, i m alone and happy.. better get off my back....
people can take everything away, but they cant never take away wad's truely urs, the truth in euu. can euu handle mine?

That's my,take it or leave it
being crazy is my prerogative and some say i m nasty, i don gif it a damn. that's whu i m and euu gotto accept it to be my fwen. i m a bloody nasty fiend and that is the way i live. i try hard to make it right.everybody toking about me, why they let mii live alone. i don live permission to make my own decisions. dont get it wrong, i m not souped or haf mushrooms in my head, ego trips aint my thing and i see no wrong in spreading myself around..

DANGEROUS-(a song i personal luv by GOTR)

I don't think you know my name
And I think you'd leave me standin in the rain
You're a pretty little girl got a thing for me
But you'd cut me open and let me bleed

But I'll be looking at you with your long brown hair
Pretty little feet, sparkling everywhere
You look so good when you come my way
But I have to look down when you talk to me

'Cause your dangerous,
Your Dangerous
Your Dangerous
And you don't even know it

One Baby, two, maybe three more years
You'll be a full grown baby, have all your curves
But here's a little taste of irony
You'll be a ten hot lady, to good for me

But I'll be looking at you with your long brown hair
Pretty little feet, sparkling everywhere

CHOCOLATE JESUS-(second fav)

I get down on my knees every Sunday
At Zerelda Lee's candy store

Well it's got to be a chocolate Jesus
Good enough for me
Got to be a chocolate Jesus
Good enough for me

Well I don't want no Abba Zabba
Don't want no Almond Joy
Baby there ain't nothing better
Suitable for this boy
Well I know there's only one thing
That can pick me up
Better than a cup of gold

LIAR-(third fav)

I don't mean to sound mean,
When I talk about the day.
I believed every single
Word she said,
But things changed, like she changed
Something's not the same
Found the things she said and didn't do
Were never true cause
She's a liar
That won't expire
Fools with desire
Leaves you behind
She didn't break me,
She said - can't you see
We could never be
Because you're crazy

SMILE-(fav too)

I'm, i'm fallin in, i didn't want to
Not so fast, boy
Slow, don't wanna hurt the girl
Give her a pretty box, you better fill it<> And i get blinded when she opens the door
It's like lookin in to the sun, you know
And i just blink in a moment, starin at my shoes
And she just looks at me, and
Smiles, smile, smile
Oh, there we go again, and it feels so good
We're fallin up and down
And now, it's 2am again, and she kisses me goodbye
For the 16th time, and i'm
Drivin home it's 2am
And i, look at the sun come up over the hills, and
Clowds are turning pink and green
And all i can see is,
Eyes, eyes, eyes
I get blinded when she opens the door
It's like, lookin into the sun you know
And i just blink in a moment, starin at my shoes
And she just looks at me, and
Smiles, smile, smile

hmm. there is nth tt happened today.. its juz a boring old day. Xcept the fact tt i cant stop tinking of tt guy @ SEMBAWANG~ oOoo... i m sure this sounded weird but no offence.. hey, how rare does a girl meets a really cute guy?...
haha...

soul-pouring PART TWO~

oh.. i tell euu.. i m sick and tired of euu. euu SUCKS. full-stop! S.U.C.K.S ... if euu acnt read my lips, read this.. EUU SUCKS totally... i m so ever sick of thinking up puns to make euu wince. .. coz i noe there aint no satisfaction tt is worth and is better than mii hearing euu slam tt bloody door and juz get out~ get out of my life.. walk out-no, crawl out- of my bloody life... my life is on the verge of breaking apart and its worst enough without euu trying to stomp down the whole infrastructure of life... it aint peaceful i noe, but wif euu barging in, its worst~ i haf enough to deal wif and i cant deal wif euu~! i haf enough juggling my life, and euu GET OUT~ i dun wanna hear euu complain, hear euu wince, hear euu grumble, hear euu mumble, hear euu cringe at the slightest and most imptly, euu noe i cant afford to even glance at ur stupid looking FACE~!!! arghh.. ...

listening to Rest In Peace
I died
So many years ago
But you can make me feel
Like it isn't so
And why you come to be with me
I think I finally know
Mmmm, mmm

You're scared
Ashamed of what you feel
And you can't tell the ones you love
You know they couldn't deal
Whisper in a dead man's ear,
It doesn't make it real

That's great - -
But I don't want to play
'Cuz being with you touches me
More than I can say
But since I'm only dead to you
I'm saying stay away
And let me rest in peace

Let me rest in peace
Let me get some sleep
Let me take my love and bury it
In a hole six foot deep
I can lay my body down
But I can't find my sweet release
So, let me rest in peace

You know, you've got a willing slave
And you just love to play the thought like you might misbehave
But 'til you do
I'm telling you
Stop visiting my grave
And let me rest in peace

I know I should go
But I follow you like a man possessed
There's a traitor here beneath my breast
And it hurts me more than you've ever guessed
If my heart could beat, it would break my chest
But I can see you're unimpressed
So, leave me be

And let me rest in peace
Let me get some sleep
Let me take my love and bury it
In a hole six foot deep
I can lay my body down
But I can't find my sweet release
Let me rest in peace
Why won't you let me rest in peace?

a nice song.. haha. anyway, i brought Casey to the vet today and oh gosh! he said tt she was too fat, obese and Casey growled at the vet... hmm... the vet is cute~ haaha.. then there is the doggy there that seemed to love mii and find mii a treat coz it kp licking mii. when i squat down it put its paws on my knees and mwack~ planted a kiss on my blushing face.. the owner is amsued ... ... m i delicious or not?~ *pout * ... haha...

anyway, then i was dying of boredom when my savior Jiemin asked mii out to shop.. went to Douby Gout shop.. gosh~ the SamuRA... the shop rox man! wif all the jap costumes.. the price rox too lah.. walau the dress is nice and so is the skirt. but they costs $129 and $85 ... bt its nice ~ cant stop thinking of it.. den wii went to This Fashion.. its enormous... THREE STOREYS. and the clothes are cheap, pretty, sexy, sweet and my style.. haha. but i din buy any coz none gimme the URGE to buy... ... Xcept tt $85 dol skirt lah.. ooo there is a shirt that i wanna buy and its only $7.. but GOD DAMN IT~ the shirt had a v novelty phrase on it. i won be caught dead wearing that... [ WHERE IS MY FATED LOVER? ] gosh~ if it weren for tt, i'd buy it lo... =(

then OMG~ how could Jiemin missed it? there is this really sweet and cute guy in SEMBAWANG @ Plaza Singapura... ... i was looking through the shelves then he asked damn sweetly, " nid any help? " so i juz say " nah~ i m juz looking aroung " .... then i was smiling to him and vice versa.. ... then my mom called ( bad timing ) ... ... then i wanted to walk pass him to go to the behind shelves to tok-privately- den he took a step back and hmm ... he trip over the shelves coz there was one at his back and he juz trip. den he held on the shelves in front of him to steady himself, grinned weakly @ mii (cute~) and hmm.. i sld haf said sth rite? like... "nid help?","are euu ok?" but nah.. ... i juz "oops" him and walked away... .. den aft toking finish, i juz walked out through the other side... .. haha.. i sld haf walked back ter him and asked for his help.. i wanna find my James Marsters' Civilised Man... ... but nope.. i was cowardly lah... .. so i walked out of the shop and byebye cute guy.. ... but he is awfully cute~~ haha .. really. looked cute, acted cute and sweet.. blex. ... =)


anyway, i m listening to James' Rest In Peace.. and now. a real sorrowful song called Wu Fa Kai Kou... ... =)

hais. today nth happened bah? tuition then went to watch the Superstar thingy.. wii din watch the ppl audit but hey, sth better is there...
GUESTS~
hahas. first there is Weichong. then i was there praying that Derrick is next but too bad its Jason.. then there are campus superstars... Khim's voice rox sia.. then Teresa came wif the damn old look.. then Renfred. Samuel.. GERALDINE~~! haha.. anyway i bought a new shirt @ This Fashion.. cant tok.. wanna watch my James AKA Blondie Bear . =)

well, today is a lil EXTRAORDINARY.. i woke up at the wrong side of bed this morn man!
and, sigh~ Spike AKA James Marsters is totally cool,cute,handsome and OLD.. haha.. bt he is so cute in Buffy lah. =)
and god damn it! Nicholas is an idiot.. he ish stupid.. kills him ... =@

and then, went kbox.. haha so proud of myself.. feel so awful today so i spit(literally)my sorrow in my songs.. but ting kp saying it wasnt sorrow enough haha. my Wo Hen Wo Ai Ni.. woo hoo~ the high notes are absolutely perfect.. .. dunno, watching FIR, feel like joining a band myself.. i cant compose songs, music bt i can write lyrics... anyone wan mii?? haha.. n someone, help mii compose a music for Bouvelard Of Love... .. pls.. ... =) its the rock blue style.. hmm.. i tink RnB is cool 4 tt song.. =)

today passes and goes.. .. cant stop toking about SPIKE and ANGEL. tink ting is sick of it. but he is really nice n cool wf his irresistable blonde hair... =)

soul-pouring time...
i dunno y, bt it seemed like i cant forget him so readily. i mean, i dun tink of him.. bt when he is nearby, my eyes strays over to him.. magically and its like im under some sort of funky spells.. and its horrible.. some sort of 'must look' frenzy ... ... gosh and gross.. n the whole mess i made wif tt N. its weird typing this coz i noe he will def. see.. .. haha.... hmm. trying to clear up messes of my non-socio life, so N n Jazz, kp outta my life a lil further until i clean up the spilt milk.. then euu guys r welcome to mess up my life again...!

fine.. today is horrible...
first, there is this already planned thingy.. fine i am a very attitude person. lousy one. and i don like troubles and damn hateful of sensitivity.. and then, today was supposed to be..
HAPPIE shopping day or sth n it changed dramatically to DEPRESSED home-watching buffy... .. but puh-lease.. how can someone go shopping without WALKING? i mean, euu walk wif ur leg then euu dun wanna walk to tired ur leg, go buy OSIM or sth lah... and its juz walking home... is tt diff? i mean i wanna go home coz 1. Go CHANGE. 2. i noe euu totally hated walking, and very 'xin teng' ur leg. tt's y wii go home.. rest a lil, soak ur precious leg in soap or sth.. SPA it.. whu noes, then set off.. tt way i hear less grumbling about painful leg.. and i can shop for my stuffs... ... den this is the stupid 'fine, don go' attitude of mii.. FINE~ sally doesnt wan to go... can euu at least TRY??? to make her go? ok, i m tactless... fine~ ignore mii... ... arghh.. n it seemed so hard to converse anymore... ... so the whole thing is spoilt.. my whole mood reduces to ZERO,NIL,DITTO DOTS,NONE~!!! sigh.. feel like calling her to cancel kbox tmr.. i either feel SLIGHTLY better tmr, or VERY worst... and it doesnt help to increase my already horrible mood.. i mean,MAN! my mood isnt even horrible, its... .. juz DOWN... i m not feeling upset or angry or wad... FINE, whu m i KIDDING? yup, i AM upset,sad, depressed and a slight angry.. fed-up.. must be the Virgo's perfectionist in mii.. i juz hate cropping up my plans... .. anyway, i haf absolutely no feelings for the word SHOPPING.. and to think a day ago i was happily listing my shopping lists, planning to make my getaway @ bugis today.. but now, nth stir mii up anymore.. its DOWN DOWN DOWN~

and then. i m horrified at the progress of Jazz and her new-boyfriend.. dun ask mii wad they did.. .. it was mad.. hmm.. a lil awesome.. i wish i had her bravery. euu noe, to do sth brave... sth worthful... and sth ridiculous.. juz let go totally.. .. kinda miss the ex-paraDANCE crazy sally and the hipHOP dancer sally... .. maybe wii cld party @ Jazz hse n let the hair loose sometimes... =)

anyway, today's teacher's day celebration is awesome... .. Xcept some singing.. but gosh, Tengcheong and Kahkin's band totally rock.. i mean, i lokpui n jiemin were HIGH there... shouting and cheering.. .. hahahs. tt was cool den i saw tengcheong aft tt wif tt eyeliner mascara thingy.. godness.. cool ii guess... and. erm, from AFAR kinda shuai... =) lol. ... and black is awesome.. and kahkin's band's song v nice. and i kinda like his voice... .. when protraying tt song lah..=)

ok, a lil soul-pouring here..
Sometimes, i wish to be more significant.. i dun wanna hide. i mean i ALWAYS does tt... go somewhere, and then its hide and seek time.. i think i m real FAKE and ARTIFICIAL... can i be more... TRUTHFUL?? and i nid to face ppl wif my own self.. i WANT to.. but i cant... tt is the part tt is totally pathetic and quinky... i m juz a fake girl.. i had enough of mii.. patheticSAL.. depressedSAL. un-lovedSAL... and i really HATE mii.. self-hatred.. let the self-despair works man! sometimes i wish my mom nvr gif birth to mii, or born mii to be more pleasant or sth? juz be more useful.. i feel so useless.. and so insignificant.. i can be wif ppl and feel lonely, i can be stranded among strangers but nvr mingle around and CURSE IT, nvr be noticed... .. i loved Bouvelard Of Love.. a 'song' i written ... .. the lyrics is so TRUELY mii.. the despairity, sucking up on SELF-pity, wallowing myself in pathetic-ness, hating myself to the core, despising every part of mii from eyeballs to entrails...

oh my god.. and to think i was living the worst bday in my life... the sicko-sick-desperately-praying-for-illness-to-cure kinda of bday, the whole gang shocked to half to death... ...

there is a lot of shocking loving surprises..
1) I got a msg from Shafiq @ around midnight, wishing mii happie bday... yup i M touched...
2) Ms Wong say happie bday to mii ya noe.. MISS WONG~ lol... touched.
3) My mama sms mii happie bday.. SMS leh. tt hp-un-savvier.. haha.. touched again..
4) The shirt and pants present frm people... yep, i loved them tremendously and m touched..
5) The yummy surprise of MANGO CAKE~ yummies...~
6) A msg and present from JASON ~ him?? the army tan guy looked so mature.. batting eyelashes now... =p
7) My dad sing mii bday song in the whole restaurant.. kinda embarrassed, but touched...
8) My daddy willingness to sponser $30 for mui shopping rendevous... =)



haha... but it was like... wow wow wow.. ivy n jiemin came with that cake... cleared half of my refrigerator while trying to fit it in.. then aft tt the whole gang [ audrey, caifeng, ruiting, jiankai, willy and alfred ] came.. haha.. whole lots of struggling b4 wii got the cake. then song singing... then cutting cake.. oops.. i made a bad cut coz I DUNNO HOW TO CUT A CAKE~ paiseh lah.. but this cake eating is the fun part.. no plate no mess.. everyone grab a fork, dig in~ whole 9 ppl digging into a cake.. ... hmm.. v remarkable scene... den the chatting and tormenting of my poor Casey.. .. haha.. she hissed at Alfred. she dun like bear lah.. then stupid jiankai say she senile.. =( later she bite euu ahh... haha... oh, i love the phototaking... but, i wanna see the pictures too~~ hais.. today is a fantastic day lah... Xcept the fact that my dearest Richie AKA Hong Yi Jun aint present.. ... coz i really really hope she is around.. ... den its more complete mah... :( but she also 'bu gou peng you' nvr even sms mii to wish mii happie bday.. cry.. that reminds mii...

* * * ZAX WANG REN FU ~ HAPPIE BDAY TOO!!! EUU R TWENTY SIX ON 2808~ HOPE EUU GET UR WISHES COME THROUGH.REMEMBER MII...I WILL GET TO TAIWAN AND FIND EUU DE.... mwhaha.. * * *

and... the most fantastic surprise is JASON pop out and sms mii.. mit mii at our fav hangOUT @ BK.. gave mii a surprise.. wonderful.. and a present.. and it make mii feel guilty.. coz i din gif him present on 0508 his bday, and i almost forget him... no choice.. he is trap in camp; when he gets out, spends time wif John and Jeff and the rest of his fwen. he wanna mit mii i also unfree.. i really forget him leh.. so .. haha.. but gosh. he grown taller ( i tink ) and definately DARKER.. so tan and look more matured and more handsome liao.. did Siew Wen fall in love wif euu deeply again? haha.. .. she must be impressed at ur change.. i m too.. .. my gege become so .. .... .. transformative.. =)

anyway, i feel so damn better from the illness... alive and kicking.. and... ... .. Ruiting wanna gibb mii kbox treat soon.. and i m very very happie.. satisfied sally... i got three wishes...
* * * 1. Good results for O'
* * * 2. Wish mii family, Casey and fwens happie and mii no longer depressedSAL
* * * 3. shh... i m not supposed to tell ya... shh shhsss

=) I love ZAX~GINO~SAM~JAMES~THOMAS~DAVID~
* * * i love JAZZ AND NICHOLAS TOO...

arghh.. haf euu ever seen a more pathetic vermin than mii?
1) Sick on my bday
2)Grounded on my bday
3)Mdm Sue's lesson X04 on my bday
4)No fried food on my bday
5)No self-baked cake on my bday
6)Postponed Kbox on my bday

gross.. this yr's bday is the most disgusting and the most abhor one... ...
and its my SWEET SIXTEEN~~~~~~!
and i still cant see my Zax.. awful bday horrible bday grotesque bday... :(

and i WAS pathetic on friday.. squatting in front of the toilet bowl.. i mean eww...~whu squats in front of the bowl? my butt?? its all coz of tt VOMIT that wun vomit... den i took 2 bites out of my rice, vomit somemore.. tried to slp but wake up at 12midnight to awful feeling... drank milo and vomit it out.. then it is AH~~~ feel tons better.. bt still horrid and sore on sat.. but hey~ i m alive n kicking now.. except the running nose, cough and the strict restriction on fried food and my mom totally freak out when i tried to go to Sembawang to buy cake ingredients. she goes [ euu cant buy. euu cant cook... no one dares to eat a cake bake by someone sick anway... ] oh god~! its awful..

but there is sth sweet in the awful-ness...
of coz i received a very very nice present from Jazz..
GOSH~ euu made it.. euu saved up to buy it for mii?
[pls say yes... :P]
the shoe is so nice.. i saw it tt time wii went shopping @ Orchard and euu bought it? gosh~ i totally adore pink high-heel... =) it looks good wif the mini skirt i bought last week or so... ...
and its PINKies... tried walking on it.. hmm... the size is a lil big.. but luckily the straps are adjustable.so its prefect... and i lurbb PINKies.. i said tt already? oops..
and yup yup i remember nich's early bday present from last wk.. i haven use that INKedition bag yet euu noe... saving up... =) its nice although i still think that it is a lil boyish... =)
and hey, WANGruiting.. owex mii kBOX... haha... but i aint inviting JAZZ n NICH... ... boo hoo hoo~~ mwhahah...

ok i m crapping... and i feel awful reading the summart for buffy... coz SPIKE is totally gorgeous.. hmm.. and ANGEL too ... =) but i still prefer James Marsters even thou i still blamed him for being VERY VERY aged... David Boreanaz is VERY aged... and he shares the same bday as mii daddy... i hate buffy... she like spike, but dun love him.. dunno feel like she is being a whore or sth.. ... i mean... wadever.. euu juz gotto read the summary for the whole SEVEN seasons and and transcripts.. euu will get wad i mean, eventually. i hope.

fine today totally sucks...
why ? cant i at least showed that i know something?
i mean, i noe physics test isnt the top of my BEST subject list,
its is neither urs...
and stop it.. stop ur looking down on mii thing.. the more euu push it, the more i try it, the more i get to the mill, and the more i work, the sooner i die... ah hah~! that is ur aim eh?
first euu tried making used of mii?
do euu ever noe how awful i felt?
i mean, fine if the oral thing euu don wan to share, but euu had plans wif friends, OUR friends,
does it ever goes to ur mind of juz asking mii if i planned to join? or if i cared to help? or to euu guys, i m juz non-existance?? i mean, is just a few words of " would euu care to help?" five words at most.. doesnt hurts to practise ur ABCs rite? and did euu guys, or rather EUU bother? nope.. then ask mii in the eleventh hour... i mean, why?? i juz don get it.. for my notes? i mean.. yah... strong emphasizing on notes.. goes critizing mii on my handwriting... i mean its true. i dun mind if euu make a joke out of it... but could euu be less of tactless... i mean , don go shooting ur mouth off at the wrong thing...?? its horrible euu noe. the way euu say it.. and i tot friends kid around, make stupid jokes about one another. but NEVER mean it... and the way euu speak, do euu mean it as a joke, a sacasism or plainly stating it wif a knife saying " welcome to the tactless club! "? i dun get it.. the truth is blunt. my handwriting sux.. i dun mind jokin i dun mind laughing HELL! i dun mind ADMITTING... but being tactless and so oblivious to the fact that i was glowing red in the face, feeling pissed.. cant euu be more ... haf a heart??? are euu made of human parts?
then i got Nicholas to teach mii physic FINALLY(thanx nich)... i mean i cant rely on copying.. really wanna prove my worth to Ms Wong even if it is a tiny mini Radioactivity test... and do euu noe hte feeling is great. i used to be sneered at.. my lowly marks, mii begging for answers. and today i start providing them.. i like tt satisfactory feeling.. it feels good not to FINALLY be looked down at... all throughout my pri n sec life, how many a times haf ppl began to tear my self-esteem,confiidence and my ego heart apart wif critisism?how many times haf i cried in the dark waiting for ppl to AT LEAST showed that they care, that tell mii SALLY HO isnt juz a shadow in the dark? i dun wan to lurk, i wanna surface out... don wanna hide.. and the lil acheivement in my maths... yea, feels good at least not to be look down.. not to be snickered at... but to think i tot friends like euu would start by saying " nice work SAL, hope euu work hard on ur phy..." (like wad ting did) but nope~! i got another painful stab in my egoistic heart, and a knife injury there... OUCH~! and to think euu r my friend. i least tot euu will be so more tactless and state that thing out... and euu tink its my fault of that attitude?? dun go shooting ur mouth off will ya?? please??!! i feels a lot better noeing that i haf at least some kind-hearted friend whu excel in chemistry and whu is so ever willing to teach mii... ... i mean, i was totally in awe about my passing mark... C5 euu noe.. and i credited it to euu. .. but all this time, euu could be sneering in the heart, scoffing about wad an idiot i m at the subject... treating mii like a fool... like wad euu did in phy... please~! i got the flu virus too....!! is not like as if i m in the best of mood and best of conditions.. and to tink i plunged myself out of that comfortable seat to check if MY answer was correct.. i was so ever happie that i got tt euu noe? but euu came and burst my bubble... do euu noe wad tactless mean... if euu wanna look down on mii, do it in the dark.. and pray tt i don noe... DON EVER realize... but nah! euu do it in the open... ok for once, i salute euu.. at least euu are better than backstabbers hiding in the dark.. but... ... EUU R MY FRIEND... emphazise strongly on FRIEND~~~~ agh... then this is the whole issue of mii trying to help.. .. but the painful blow of [ yep, ur physic sucks.. y dun euu get out of this world, get to the alternate reality that physics and sciences don exist? spent all ur days doing stupid things like watching dramas.. for all i care.. juz fail.~get lost...] kinda thing... .. and it hurts a lot..i haf dozens and tons of stuffs to deal wif euu noe.. i cant get the truth shoving to my face when i m trying to improve.. r euu de-moralizing mii?? i m trying to change~ will GOD or someone gives mii a chance???!! please??

i m getting despo here... ... i nid a chance.. all i nid was to show everyone how i cld work.. no one gives mii a damn... and no one even bothers if i was in working-conditions or slacking condition... how can i find someone whu truely cares?? wad if i die of stress or of this stupid flu virus?? will someone even mourn for mii? or will everyone lifes goes on... since i m never part of it... ... and darn... if i die of stress, i surrender totally but if i die of flu.. i m gg to hide my face even if i become a ghouly ghost... i have a lot of things to do after this flu goes away.. i wanna try chilli.. oOo n curry... and i wanna go kbox... and i wanna sing at Superstar next yr... and i wanna go taiwan find zax and cele our bday tgt.. and i wanna go find gino and show him his pic in my wallet.. and i wanna go find Sam and ask him to marry mii.. and i wanna go Australia.. n if i ever wanna die.. can i die of over-feeding of chocolates?and dark chocolate to be exact??please??!!

do euu ever feel like breaking down?
have euu ever feel so out of place?
when the world is looking down upon euu?
and friends juz turn to foes,
and nothing in this world seemed to care?
do euu ever feel so depressed?
have euu ever feel like a pile of rubbish dumped?
when the world is snickering at euu?
and luck dont find euu,
and miracles dont seemed to happen?


Yea, welcome to MY LIFE!

i m here bloggin sensibly. yep, i noe my faults in oral... stupid retainer lahh... and my tongue is probably stern.. i cant seemed to pronounce " probably,sensibly,lovely.." all the "ly"... arhh... it is so embarrassed loh...

so wad to say? it is tormenting and painful to be sitting in her english lessons esp if she started doin the reg. calling thing... petrifying, i donnoe when she is calling THIRTEEN~ drags~! and the does the time... but ok lah. the remedial today was quite fun though, wif the oral practising... ... i grew more confident in speakin, and i was looking for the day she call mii up to tok on fun topics like CATS PETS or IDOL... even for reading.. haha. but nonono to boring topics like TERRORISM and wadsoever.. .. den chi... another drill on the importance of oral. for those whu gets merit.. for mii, its a dist. but nth to feel proud of coz puh-lease! i m someone whu toks madly like there is no tomorrow, in chinese~~ and i got so used to quarrelling wif mii parents that oral seemed to be only the tip of the iceberg... the worst is when i haf to face ENGLISH oral... whu noes if they are luffing at ur atrocious eng, or whether they are surpressing a big laugh coz u pronounced something wrongly, or whether they are happily putting a big fat F9 on ur score sheet coz euu went out-of-pt... its terrible to endure all these... sigh~ got butterflies in my stomach even now... ... and pls, i cant pronounce coz of my retainer.. it is nth to luff about lh stupid gay lau... :p
maths test ahh,,is horrifying lar... but all the discussion and copying.. mwhaha.. its such an informal test... i myself called myself a genius for i myself thinks so... -_-''' forget it.. i m crapping. i don even noe i m toking these days.. somethings juz blurt out and i cant even internalize wad i m speaking b4 ppl start luffing.. that is when i noe i made a fool out of myself AGAIN~ ~ ~ ~ duhh.. i m a big joke lahh... :'(
chemistry lessons ah? i only catch ESTER.. it was repeated so many times.. i tink its a combine of acid n alcohol AH??!! haha... den wad is alcohol??... no kididng lah. i juz dun get wad is in the topic now.. and i dun understand any of it... oh worst is physic lah... =( i cant even noe wad is the units. conversion then wadever is that circuit or power thingy?? ah~~!! i juz dun get it man!! then history wi get into grouping and Captain Sally is steering.. all on board?ai iy captain! good! lets go on to econ. factors ... ... ... ... mwhaha... ok lah.. but wii got one wrong... TOV terms... :'( but at least history is one of the few subjects i cant understand... it is simple~ like wad weechow say: simplicity is virtue~ *winks*

regretted nt acc. Ruiting to top up her card n see the 'suspected' Snoopii's Liu De Hwa... arh~ i lurbb snoopi so muchhy~~ haha.. but i lurbb my ZAX n GINO n SAM n more lahh.. oh yah.. support JSTAR BASEBALL TEAM. they thrashed Japan's team~~!! yea!

hais... ya hoh. remember SOMEONE says i write lil in my fwen horh? y sld i? is so private... n complained tt i nvr share goodies on my non-existance LOVELIFE~~ haha, since she complained, i will write... unfortunately, uglySAL haf no lovelife or wadsoever, so i presumed she meant that i will/sld write on HERS??? her lovelife started when she meet this cute? guy in college, den she ask him if he noes her, he says no... she say "opps! euu looked like someone i noe in sec."... then she tok to him, he answered. they becum fwens, then decided to try out... so they went out tgt... then now... she hardly toks about him.. so poor Mr. Cute lies forgotten........
Have i got the story right??? and to tink i m ur supposily-SISTA~ i heard it from arh... how can euu do this to mii? and complain about mii somemore.. find out about mii through my fwen lah.. if euu haf the means... NIC~MWHAHAH :D fuming?? dun be mad lah, dun burnt the PSP down.. i wan to play cars de.. aft euu kp it safe, cont. seeing red.. i dun mind a bit~~ :p

=) hais... stop gifing mii problems lah.. i m so irritated lately.. do euu noe whu i toking about?? ******** .. figure it urself... :P

Today is a moment of anguish, pain and suspense.. fear struck mii hard, tinkin tt if i sld failed to maintain the standard, live up to the expectations of ppl, i will fall hard... and the self-esteem is playing tricks on mii, tellin mii softly about the pain i will haf to endure, if one mistake is made. a minor one, and it could cost the whole of my pride... the confidence i always haf seemed to lose its footing, slipped away miraculously at points of time when i nid it most... On the contrary, the devil of my mind crackled evilly at my pathetic self, telling mii that i will fail, and the moment when it said that, i tot of Mdm Sue's [ the A is in ur hand,its up to euu to grab it ].haf i had the A lying on my cletched palms?or is it floating away,gently,soundlessly? there is only suspense and guesses, many question-marks... ... Everyone is telling mii not to worry,never fear, for i haf always performed well. yet, the confidence is slackin away, the smiles is gone, and the idle mii seemed to be long gone. all i could do is to wait for the verdict, wait to noe if its heaven that awaits or the burning fire of hell... the butterflies in my stomach churned with everything i ate for recess, mixing together and causing mii more trauma. i looked at the skies, the azure-blue skies seemed to be filled with clouds, cloudy grey cloud... is it an omen of bad luck? or was heaven weeping at the loss of its member? i sighed as i walked up the stairs to the classroom... listening to the endless racious chattering can never be more tormenting than the fact that these people might be the ones tearing later... as Mr. Goh strutted in the class, smile-less. it seemed weird to see a solem looking Goh and his famous smile is completely wiped off from his face... it spelt doom for mii, and for many others i presumed... all i could depicts from this scene is that, it was not good news to be announced. truely enough, he told that mode was B3, all big disappointment for Mdm Teo gave us the assurance that the class would score 2/3 A... ... Then the results is announced. i gripped the side of the table tight, unable to tink. i felt like the world is going to stop, and that i was going to faint. as the numbers grew nearing to 13, i pled silently to God, hoping that He would bestow mii the A i wanted, even though not badly enough... As if answers to my prayers, i got wad i wanted, and all i could do is to stare into blank air emptily. i gave myself a light pinch on my arm, though light, it was enough to tell mii that it had not been a dream all along. God answered my prayers. the ordeal was worst than riding a roller-coaster, or going into a haunted house, something i avoid badly... ... This feeling is wad awaits unlawful citizens, the moment to judge verdict is announced, the moment of truth, the moment of knowing how is ur fate, and for mii, the moment of knowing how i fare. wad i haf been doing all these years, haf it been in vain, or will i reap wad i sow?? for mii, it was a near-death experience. i felt like i haf been to hell's gate, until the soft whisper pulled mii back... ... Thankfully, it was enough to be the pushing power, that is able to gif mii determination and let mii haf the grit to excel better.
*hope that my maths results next yr wouldnt let mii down. and pls, i wouldnt want this experience ever again~

Bouvelard Of Love
*****************

Never fearing since euu haf been gone,
Not wanting the secong time,
For the sake of being hearted in euur soul,
Being obssessed with being alone,
Walking through the bouvelard of love,
Walking through strange corridors,
Being stranger stranded among strangers,
Being in the bouvelard of love,
Never had the dream come true,
Feeling depressed is feeling mii,
Soulmate and broken promises,
Dreams are an illusion and faked fantasy,
Joys of being sunk being in this unreal reality,
Walking through the bouvelard of love,
Walking throuigh empty souls,
Being in the bouvelard of love,
And feeling nothing but numb,
Ironic filled this bouvelard,
This bouvelard of love.

finally i m bloggin. haha i m sure i miss my Richie...

i m real depressed. i cant feel the stress that is supposed to be upon mii... my marks are dropping real badly and i m real distracted... and i cant feel anything. i nid to feel a way of living, and i nid to find another route . i nid someone to help mii strengthen my determination. all i learned for now is that, nothing can be trusted and no one is good enough to be by anyone's side...

i haf been hurt badly and now, i haf given up enough... i noe there is someone there for mii, lending mii extreme support and i noe there is a fwen there, giving mii her upmost, but dere is nothing there to gif support to... depressedSAL is juz a body without soul. I haf given all myself to worthless things and lost all of them in the rain.. ...

i haf confessions to make...

To Jazz:
I noe i haf been horrible lately. but honestly, all the late night binge, crazii Orchard trips, Kbox dances, chocolates' shopping and pimples' viewing... it brings up my mood up alot. i haf been trying to act like nothing is wrong, and that the world is still spinning; but for mii, it had STOPPED.! thanks to ur crazii-ness and zest girl~ haha. i noe i can always count on euu to make my day.
Ps, its ur turn to confess to mii barh? Spit! Who's tt new guy?cute?... lols. and STOP PANGSEH MI~~~

To Nicholas:
Ok, i noe i really gotto apologize to euu for being such a jackass and such an irritant these days. don worry, i will get over him soon and then, picked myself up from where i haf fallen and den, wii will be the best BUDDIES and the best of FWENs right? haha. pray for mii dear bro... lols... but really thankful that God gave mii one such cool fwen that is forever energetic and supportive. But pls GOD, gif mii a fwen whu is good in SCIENCES~~! arh, euu n jazz sciences is like... same as mii. bad influences.. no wonder my science sux.. :'( weeps...
Ps, when are euu gg to bring mii to the movies?i missed popcorn's fights...

To whuever it may concern:
To whuever i offended recently, i m really really sorry. coz, i m really mad lately larh. the un-stressed is killing mii. weird tt ppl is mad at the stress, i m mad that i haf NO stress... weirdSAL. arh, and sorry for all the diao-ing and all the scolding and screaming and souring becoz, i cant help it larh. lols... next time it occur, let mii noe. dun scream or i will breakdown sia.. =)


As euu can see, these weeks, my life is undergoing big change... All the ups and downs, all the stressed-up by family, and worst still is the non-existable lovelife... arh~ all i hope is for the O' to come faster. than i can haf a dance binge. i love Street and Sweet Jazz... =) ....


* If only euu could see the tears,
I could only cry in the rain,
Wishing the rain could wash away the pain,
And that the tears can be hidden,
If only euu could see the pain,
I could only feel the hurt in my heart,
Wishing that it could tell mii the truth of love,
And that i get to face reality,
If only euu could hear the screams,
I could only utter weak wails,
Wishing that euu appear in my dreams to listen,
And that euu will truely understand how I feel,
For euu deep inside...


___ yesterday is history,
___ tomorrow is mystery,
___today is a gift,
___ that is why,
___it is a
___ PRESENT...