today is woopsy-hooh~
Went far east wif Jiemin...buy lokpui's bday present.. poor Wenbin, cant come out.. mwhaha...
saw a lot clothes tt i love.. haha.. wanna buy.. but i m BROKE~ bleh.. so i m jz gg to save up. yah nid save for kbox on Tues too.. den damn it~ gg only on Wednesday for my retainer... which is urg.. teeth-less gal... =(
i m sycophantic.. extremely.. .. coz i am a self-flatterer.. haha.. but then this time euu guys sld honestly listen to mii.. i m gg to get horrible results for my Prelims...

hais... today i m so so unlucky..
first, my retainer's fake teeth drop out, so i got the whole toothless day thingy today.. feel so empty without...
then chem, puh-lease Section B's 30marks i gif Ms Tang free-of-charge sia... :)
他还不懂，
还是不懂，
离开是想要被挽留，
如果开口那只是我要来的温柔，
他还不懂，
永远不懂，
一个拥抱能代替所有，
爱绝对能够动摇我。
＊＊＊＊＊＊＊
希望你理解爱上你有多难，
像童话里的故事，
可恶的安排，
明明两个人都相爱，
却偏偏遇阻碍，
非得让人痛彻心扉，
才能证明爱存在，
我们如何找到出路，
通往爱的国渡，
闭上眼默念三遍，
call my name 我就出现，
有时候寂寞难眠，
像不醒的梦魇，
闭上眼数了三遍，
你应该要出现，
但你却又失言，
让我看不见。
如果你能明白，
这场相爱有多难，
想童话中的傀儡，
口是心非，
以为你找到了幸福，
我却感到好无助，
只能笑笑去祝福，
偷偷掉着泪，
我们拼命想找出路，
通往爱的国渡。
永远究竟多么遥远，
为何我总无缘，
无法好好体验，
爱不像你跟我说的，
简单像许个愿。
但你对我失言，
不在我身边。

第一章的忧愁：
阴凉的夜晚，飞蛾扑捉灯火一眨一眨，
微风吹开刘海，露出泪流两行，
身边的空虚，不习惯见到无人在旁，
心，突然一阵痛，
泪，决堤了，
笑，不在出现，
雨，竟一丝丝吹动着我的思念，
记得在酸甜梦里，
当我转身时，欲向你开口，
我却孬得羞得低头，
缘？份？，
遇见你，改变我的一切，
思想和脑袋的掌控者，
你不能不顾我而去啊，
这到底是宿命，还是命运？
是事实，还是一堆不可一世的谎言？

so long din blog.. i m suffocating.. really .. and pss.. Jazz Lin. i m BLOGGING NOW.. bleh. i dun care if its one short post as long as i can make euu real bad... :)

Under Ur Spell
I lived my life in shadow
Never the sun on my face
It didn't seem so sad, though
I figured that was my place
Now I'm bathed in light
Something just isn't right

I'm under your spell
How else could it be
Anyone would notice me?
It's magic, I can tell
How you've set me free
Brought me out so easily

I saw a world enchanted
Spirits and charms in the air
I always took for granted
I was the only one there
But your power's shone
Brighter than any of I've known.

I'm under your spell
Nothing I can do
You just took my soul with you
You worked your charms so well
Finally, I knew
Everything I dreamed was true
You make me complete!

The moon to the tide
I can feel you inside
I'm under your spell
Surging like the sea
Drawn to you so helplessly
I break with every swell
Lost in ecstasy
Spread beneath my willow tree
You make me complete

ok. today is great. i mean great haha. hmm... Prelims are coming, and this no-un stress thing is scaring mi.. haha. so gotto pull myself up and work~ work like a bull. speaking of bulls... I gotto TAKE THE BULL BY THE HORN, and face the music~ Physics and Chemistry, i m done playing hide and seeko wif euu.. haha.. gonna show my face. euu either hit it straight up, or i hit ya~ cheers.. noe i do badly for my Paper one in English and i m afraid for paper two~ i m counting on it to pass coz i noe my paper two din pass... .. i din even MANAGE to scrap through.. and if i did, gonna pray~

really hated chemistry~

today is... BORING~
haha.. hais.. no choice.. whu ask tmr is sch opening.. i din even noe if dere is hw.. i din even bother... and tues is Chemistry practical.. OMG~ gg to DIE~


刚开始时，
我以为你已习惯了自由所以不想承诺，
后来才发现事实并非如此，
刚开始时，
我以为保持沉默不多说是你一般作风，
后来才明白是我无法让你开口，
刚开始时，
我以为你始终还是深深喜欢着我，
后来才知道原来是你一直的迁就，
在感情世界里，
是是非非懵懵懂懂，
都是我们无知惹的祸，
蝴蝶翩翩起舞，
可是我却感受不到华丽中的美好，

hmm.. today is so ' jing bao~' ...
went to Toa to watch the Superstar Audition.. really gotto say that the girls are fantastic.. hmm. feel like buying a shirt. mickey~ but i was tempted but din gif it to temptation. THUMBS UP for mii.. no choice.. feel like i haf been buying a lot recently~ haha.. anyway the superstar audition is superb.. wif Alfred [ SOUL ] and Khim, Zhiyang~ Dean~ DERRICK~ ahhh.. he is so so so so cute ... ... haha... then of course this supreme enjoyment of singing and watching nid mii to sacrifice my poor legs.. stand for 3hr long.. i don mind shopping for straight three hours coz its.. well SHOPPING but juz standing?? its horrible.. haha.. but anyway, i luv Derrick lahh...
haha. anyway, i feel forsaken leh.. i donno y lah. Exams un-stress stress lah... .. haha...

today is an eye-opener... i mean it like really *WOW*...
went to woodlands lib to study... the ppl there... *WOW ~
done three emaths p1 *WOW ~
went to shop at Causeway .. feel like buying the pinstripes @ 77th street but i prefered the member's price.. its so nice~ haha. bought a flabby pink shirt @ This Fashion... hmm... perhaps this prelims-no-stress thingy gettin on mii, having shopping spree always.. wonders.... haha...
hmm, almost rash enough to go Douby see tt guy still there.. but i m not tt MAD lah... haha..
upsetted... i cant borrow Buffy DVD in lib. must be premium member, wadever tt means... haha.. luv mii spikey, but guess i haf to make do wif digging vid @ youtube.com and reading the transcripts... ...

i noe i haf attitude problems, what is the deal? i cant stop having them.. they are part of mii, and if euu cant handle, cant cope GET OUT OF MY LIFE ... i luv it the way its, attitude-ty sally and crazy sally... i don wan euu go messing up wif my life anymore, gotta shut the gates lock the door and pulled euu away far... if euu dun like it, do i look like i care?? dont go knocking on my door once i declare euu OUT~ juz poof,prrf and get away.. messed up wif mii, euu r a goner...

f***.. today sucks totally... .. i haf to wak eup damn early juz to acc. the Old Great to polyclinic... then i waited for like.. two hr. no kidding... yup it IS two hr... juz to save some stupid money.. it IRKS... then of coz its home sweet-bloody hell- home... ... i mean, home is no longer home. i desire to get out of these bloody cold algid hard sickening four walls... xcept the fact tt my bed and this bloody mac com is holding mii back from leaving, i think i wld haf gone away... leave this stupid hell of home. yea home.. whu cares?whu nid a home, family.. Father And Mother I Love You.. bullshitty... father and mother they hate euu ... they cant wait to see euu squirm while they tink up of the latest fads and devices juz to make ur life miserable... and damn it! i m SIXTEEN~ sweet sixteen? i m countin more on hatred sixteen. bitterly spicy sixteen... being sixteen sux. i noe i m slacking, i probably fail O' lev big time. i mean, is there a greater loser den mii?? argh.. i m pathetic.. and these anger, they planted on mii.. raging, firing, manifesting.. going to suffer an outburst of outrage and fiery...

SOUL RAGING

I used to ...
the walls juz disappeared around mii, fears gripped mii, nth to surorund mii... i m trying to remember, to keep touch, why i was afraid previously, to be myself and let the covers fell away...dont let me be the last to noe, dun hold back and let go... i m masked behind someone unreal, a figment of my imagination, urs maybe too... i wonder whu tt girl in the mirror is sometimes. i tink i noe her, but i really dun. trying to unveil wad is inside, i really wished i cld. there is a story in her eyes, lullabies and goodbyes, and her heart gets broken easily... she's crying out tonight, and i wanted to make her feel alright. i wish there is something i cld do to make her feel better...the pain feels tore my heart apart, but i believe this sense of loneliness and confusion will fade..this girl is me...

And how i feel
i m waiting in the dark, so alone, lost and cold. i tot euu'd be here, there's nth but rain, and tears covering blurred eyes. no footstep on the ground, no savior to be seen anywhere around... no one bothers to care, care to find me, to seek me... wont someone come and save me? its a damn cold night, i m crounching here, trying to figure out my life. won euu take me by the hand take me somewhere new?come notice me, and take my hand... i don gif a damn of whu euu are, but i follows euu like a possessed girl, trying to make things crystal clear.... everythings is in a mess and no one like to be alone, so why are euu leaving mii here lonely only?i m crying out loud yet no one bothers to listen, the painful screams in me, deaf by the yelling. no one hear the desperate cries.. euu weren't there when i was scared and i was alone in the dark. listen to mii, hear me scream. i m starting to trip, i m lost, losing my grip and i m in this thing alone.....no one cares. i m here, alone yet no one looked at me.. everyone is toking to each other, no one seemed to be toking to me. strangers stranded among strangers, deserted between empty corridors... i feel like an unwanted child, given up by God's will...

I tried giving up
why is this life so confusing? am i out of my mind, going nuts?or is this world spinning? are euu aware of how euu make me feel? am i invisible to euu? am i unreal?tell me world, i nid an answer. why did euu turn away when i feel so anguish, feel so hurt.. i was left to cry out there, waiting outside this world grinning wif a lost stare, daze.. things ended up so wrong and i cant cry over spill milk... what haf i done to deserve this? i juz cant help but wonder , why things changed? loneliness seemed up ahead, emptiness behind... everytime i try to fly, i fall without my wings, its broken... i used to think , i had the answer to everything. life doesn go my way, and i m caught in the middle...open ur eyes luv, open up wide... i m here again, walking through time looking for an answer, how can it be this way? please shield me, i faced up to more than i cld face and i've seen much.cant shut my eyes thou..

Now...
then i realize, truth hit me like bucket of cold water... Why should i care what goes around in this damn world? euu are screwing up my head... it hurts.but euu can nvr hurt me coz i recognize the pain, gotta shut euu out of my door... say what euu can, worsh she can, now i live for myself... i juz nid time, joy, space, love and feeling myself. i cant get no satisfaction, when i m not feeling myself. this is juz my imagination? admit, i m the girl i m. euu r gonna see things through my perspective and i nid to make mistakes juz to see whu i really am, to learn how strong i really am... i don wanna be so damn protected, and there must be another way coz i believe in taking chances..

My true Thoughts
Gosh, i nid some answer, like how m i supposed to be doing wif my messed up life?i cant help the way i feel. but everytime i do things i tot i haf done, i stand corrected, corrupted.i cant believe wad i learn about this world, then i realize i m too damn protected. leave mii alone. i nid no body telling me what i wanna gonna do. its my destiny my faith and i m fed-up wif ppl telling me to be someone else but not me...i m better off without euu... stinker and everybody... i m telling euu , dont go knocking on my life, i m alone and happy.. better get off my back....
people can take everything away, but they cant never take away wad's truely urs, the truth in euu. can euu handle mine?

That's my,take it or leave it
being crazy is my prerogative and some say i m nasty, i don gif it a damn. that's whu i m and euu gotto accept it to be my fwen. i m a bloody nasty fiend and that is the way i live. i try hard to make it right.everybody toking about me, why they let mii live alone. i don live permission to make my own decisions. dont get it wrong, i m not souped or haf mushrooms in my head, ego trips aint my thing and i see no wrong in spreading myself around..

DANGEROUS-(a song i personal luv by GOTR)

I don't think you know my name
And I think you'd leave me standin in the rain
You're a pretty little girl got a thing for me
But you'd cut me open and let me bleed

But I'll be looking at you with your long brown hair
Pretty little feet, sparkling everywhere
You look so good when you come my way
But I have to look down when you talk to me

'Cause your dangerous,
Your Dangerous
Your Dangerous
And you don't even know it

One Baby, two, maybe three more years
You'll be a full grown baby, have all your curves
But here's a little taste of irony
You'll be a ten hot lady, to good for me

But I'll be looking at you with your long brown hair
Pretty little feet, sparkling everywhere

CHOCOLATE JESUS-(second fav)

I get down on my knees every Sunday
At Zerelda Lee's candy store

Well it's got to be a chocolate Jesus
Good enough for me
Got to be a chocolate Jesus
Good enough for me

Well I don't want no Abba Zabba
Don't want no Almond Joy
Baby there ain't nothing better
Suitable for this boy
Well I know there's only one thing
That can pick me up
Better than a cup of gold

LIAR-(third fav)

I don't mean to sound mean,
When I talk about the day.
I believed every single
Word she said,
But things changed, like she changed
Something's not the same
Found the things she said and didn't do
Were never true cause
She's a liar
That won't expire
Fools with desire
Leaves you behind
She didn't break me,
She said - can't you see
We could never be
Because you're crazy

SMILE-(fav too)

I'm, i'm fallin in, i didn't want to
Not so fast, boy
Slow, don't wanna hurt the girl
Give her a pretty box, you better fill it<> And i get blinded when she opens the door
It's like lookin in to the sun, you know
And i just blink in a moment, starin at my shoes
And she just looks at me, and
Smiles, smile, smile
Oh, there we go again, and it feels so good
We're fallin up and down
And now, it's 2am again, and she kisses me goodbye
For the 16th time, and i'm
Drivin home it's 2am
And i, look at the sun come up over the hills, and
Clowds are turning pink and green
And all i can see is,
Eyes, eyes, eyes
I get blinded when she opens the door
It's like, lookin into the sun you know
And i just blink in a moment, starin at my shoes
And she just looks at me, and
Smiles, smile, smile

hmm. there is nth tt happened today.. its juz a boring old day. Xcept the fact tt i cant stop tinking of tt guy @ SEMBAWANG~ oOoo... i m sure this sounded weird but no offence.. hey, how rare does a girl meets a really cute guy?...
haha...

soul-pouring PART TWO~

oh.. i tell euu.. i m sick and tired of euu. euu SUCKS. full-stop! S.U.C.K.S ... if euu acnt read my lips, read this.. EUU SUCKS totally... i m so ever sick of thinking up puns to make euu wince. .. coz i noe there aint no satisfaction tt is worth and is better than mii hearing euu slam tt bloody door and juz get out~ get out of my life.. walk out-no, crawl out- of my bloody life... my life is on the verge of breaking apart and its worst enough without euu trying to stomp down the whole infrastructure of life... it aint peaceful i noe, but wif euu barging in, its worst~ i haf enough to deal wif and i cant deal wif euu~! i haf enough juggling my life, and euu GET OUT~ i dun wanna hear euu complain, hear euu wince, hear euu grumble, hear euu mumble, hear euu cringe at the slightest and most imptly, euu noe i cant afford to even glance at ur stupid looking FACE~!!! arghh.. ...

listening to Rest In Peace
I died
So many years ago
But you can make me feel
Like it isn't so
And why you come to be with me
I think I finally know
Mmmm, mmm

You're scared
Ashamed of what you feel
And you can't tell the ones you love
You know they couldn't deal
Whisper in a dead man's ear,
It doesn't make it real

That's great - -
But I don't want to play
'Cuz being with you touches me
More than I can say
But since I'm only dead to you
I'm saying stay away
And let me rest in peace

Let me rest in peace
Let me get some sleep
Let me take my love and bury it
In a hole six foot deep
I can lay my body down
But I can't find my sweet release
So, let me rest in peace

You know, you've got a willing slave
And you just love to play the thought like you might misbehave
But 'til you do
I'm telling you
Stop visiting my grave
And let me rest in peace

I know I should go
But I follow you like a man possessed
There's a traitor here beneath my breast
And it hurts me more than you've ever guessed
If my heart could beat, it would break my chest
But I can see you're unimpressed
So, leave me be

And let me rest in peace
Let me get some sleep
Let me take my love and bury it
In a hole six foot deep
I can lay my body down
But I can't find my sweet release
Let me rest in peace
Why won't you let me rest in peace?

a nice song.. haha. anyway, i brought Casey to the vet today and oh gosh! he said tt she was too fat, obese and Casey growled at the vet... hmm... the vet is cute~ haaha.. then there is the doggy there that seemed to love mii and find mii a treat coz it kp licking mii. when i squat down it put its paws on my knees and mwack~ planted a kiss on my blushing face.. the owner is amsued ... ... m i delicious or not?~ *pout * ... haha...

anyway, then i was dying of boredom when my savior Jiemin asked mii out to shop.. went to Douby Gout shop.. gosh~ the SamuRA... the shop rox man! wif all the jap costumes.. the price rox too lah.. walau the dress is nice and so is the skirt. but they costs $129 and $85 ... bt its nice ~ cant stop thinking of it.. den wii went to This Fashion.. its enormous... THREE STOREYS. and the clothes are cheap, pretty, sexy, sweet and my style.. haha. but i din buy any coz none gimme the URGE to buy... ... Xcept tt $85 dol skirt lah.. ooo there is a shirt that i wanna buy and its only $7.. but GOD DAMN IT~ the shirt had a v novelty phrase on it. i won be caught dead wearing that... [ WHERE IS MY FATED LOVER? ] gosh~ if it weren for tt, i'd buy it lo... =(

then OMG~ how could Jiemin missed it? there is this really sweet and cute guy in SEMBAWANG @ Plaza Singapura... ... i was looking through the shelves then he asked damn sweetly, " nid any help? " so i juz say " nah~ i m juz looking aroung " .... then i was smiling to him and vice versa.. ... then my mom called ( bad timing ) ... ... then i wanted to walk pass him to go to the behind shelves to tok-privately- den he took a step back and hmm ... he trip over the shelves coz there was one at his back and he juz trip. den he held on the shelves in front of him to steady himself, grinned weakly @ mii (cute~) and hmm.. i sld haf said sth rite? like... "nid help?","are euu ok?" but nah.. ... i juz "oops" him and walked away... .. den aft toking finish, i juz walked out through the other side... .. haha.. i sld haf walked back ter him and asked for his help.. i wanna find my James Marsters' Civilised Man... ... but nope.. i was cowardly lah... .. so i walked out of the shop and byebye cute guy.. ... but he is awfully cute~~ haha .. really. looked cute, acted cute and sweet.. blex. ... =)


anyway, i m listening to James' Rest In Peace.. and now. a real sorrowful song called Wu Fa Kai Kou... ... =)

hais. today nth happened bah? tuition then went to watch the Superstar thingy.. wii din watch the ppl audit but hey, sth better is there...
GUESTS~
hahas. first there is Weichong. then i was there praying that Derrick is next but too bad its Jason.. then there are campus superstars... Khim's voice rox sia.. then Teresa came wif the damn old look.. then Renfred. Samuel.. GERALDINE~~! haha.. anyway i bought a new shirt @ This Fashion.. cant tok.. wanna watch my James AKA Blondie Bear . =)

well, today is a lil EXTRAORDINARY.. i woke up at the wrong side of bed this morn man!
and, sigh~ Spike AKA James Marsters is totally cool,cute,handsome and OLD.. haha.. bt he is so cute in Buffy lah. =)
and god damn it! Nicholas is an idiot.. he ish stupid.. kills him ... =@

and then, went kbox.. haha so proud of myself.. feel so awful today so i spit(literally)my sorrow in my songs.. but ting kp saying it wasnt sorrow enough haha. my Wo Hen Wo Ai Ni.. woo hoo~ the high notes are absolutely perfect.. .. dunno, watching FIR, feel like joining a band myself.. i cant compose songs, music bt i can write lyrics... anyone wan mii?? haha.. n someone, help mii compose a music for Bouvelard Of Love... .. pls.. ... =) its the rock blue style.. hmm.. i tink RnB is cool 4 tt song.. =)

today passes and goes.. .. cant stop toking about SPIKE and ANGEL. tink ting is sick of it. but he is really nice n cool wf his irresistable blonde hair... =)

soul-pouring time...
i dunno y, bt it seemed like i cant forget him so readily. i mean, i dun tink of him.. bt when he is nearby, my eyes strays over to him.. magically and its like im under some sort of funky spells.. and its horrible.. some sort of 'must look' frenzy ... ... gosh and gross.. n the whole mess i made wif tt N. its weird typing this coz i noe he will def. see.. .. haha.... hmm. trying to clear up messes of my non-socio life, so N n Jazz, kp outta my life a lil further until i clean up the spilt milk.. then euu guys r welcome to mess up my life again...!