f***.. today sucks totally... .. i haf to wak eup damn early juz to acc. the Old Great to polyclinic... then i waited for like.. two hr. no kidding... yup it IS two hr... juz to save some stupid money.. it IRKS... then of coz its home sweet-bloody hell- home... ... i mean, home is no longer home. i desire to get out of these bloody cold algid hard sickening four walls... xcept the fact tt my bed and this bloody mac com is holding mii back from leaving, i think i wld haf gone away... leave this stupid hell of home. yea home.. whu cares?whu nid a home, family.. Father And Mother I Love You.. bullshitty... father and mother they hate euu ... they cant wait to see euu squirm while they tink up of the latest fads and devices juz to make ur life miserable... and damn it! i m SIXTEEN~ sweet sixteen? i m countin more on hatred sixteen. bitterly spicy sixteen... being sixteen sux. i noe i m slacking, i probably fail O' lev big time. i mean, is there a greater loser den mii?? argh.. i m pathetic.. and these anger, they planted on mii.. raging, firing, manifesting.. going to suffer an outburst of outrage and fiery...

SOUL RAGING

I used to ...
the walls juz disappeared around mii, fears gripped mii, nth to surorund mii... i m trying to remember, to keep touch, why i was afraid previously, to be myself and let the covers fell away...dont let me be the last to noe, dun hold back and let go... i m masked behind someone unreal, a figment of my imagination, urs maybe too... i wonder whu tt girl in the mirror is sometimes. i tink i noe her, but i really dun. trying to unveil wad is inside, i really wished i cld. there is a story in her eyes, lullabies and goodbyes, and her heart gets broken easily... she's crying out tonight, and i wanted to make her feel alright. i wish there is something i cld do to make her feel better...the pain feels tore my heart apart, but i believe this sense of loneliness and confusion will fade..this girl is me...

And how i feel
i m waiting in the dark, so alone, lost and cold. i tot euu'd be here, there's nth but rain, and tears covering blurred eyes. no footstep on the ground, no savior to be seen anywhere around... no one bothers to care, care to find me, to seek me... wont someone come and save me? its a damn cold night, i m crounching here, trying to figure out my life. won euu take me by the hand take me somewhere new?come notice me, and take my hand... i don gif a damn of whu euu are, but i follows euu like a possessed girl, trying to make things crystal clear.... everythings is in a mess and no one like to be alone, so why are euu leaving mii here lonely only?i m crying out loud yet no one bothers to listen, the painful screams in me, deaf by the yelling. no one hear the desperate cries.. euu weren't there when i was scared and i was alone in the dark. listen to mii, hear me scream. i m starting to trip, i m lost, losing my grip and i m in this thing alone.....no one cares. i m here, alone yet no one looked at me.. everyone is toking to each other, no one seemed to be toking to me. strangers stranded among strangers, deserted between empty corridors... i feel like an unwanted child, given up by God's will...

I tried giving up
why is this life so confusing? am i out of my mind, going nuts?or is this world spinning? are euu aware of how euu make me feel? am i invisible to euu? am i unreal?tell me world, i nid an answer. why did euu turn away when i feel so anguish, feel so hurt.. i was left to cry out there, waiting outside this world grinning wif a lost stare, daze.. things ended up so wrong and i cant cry over spill milk... what haf i done to deserve this? i juz cant help but wonder , why things changed? loneliness seemed up ahead, emptiness behind... everytime i try to fly, i fall without my wings, its broken... i used to think , i had the answer to everything. life doesn go my way, and i m caught in the middle...open ur eyes luv, open up wide... i m here again, walking through time looking for an answer, how can it be this way? please shield me, i faced up to more than i cld face and i've seen much.cant shut my eyes thou..

Now...
then i realize, truth hit me like bucket of cold water... Why should i care what goes around in this damn world? euu are screwing up my head... it hurts.but euu can nvr hurt me coz i recognize the pain, gotta shut euu out of my door... say what euu can, worsh she can, now i live for myself... i juz nid time, joy, space, love and feeling myself. i cant get no satisfaction, when i m not feeling myself. this is juz my imagination? admit, i m the girl i m. euu r gonna see things through my perspective and i nid to make mistakes juz to see whu i really am, to learn how strong i really am... i don wanna be so damn protected, and there must be another way coz i believe in taking chances..

My true Thoughts
Gosh, i nid some answer, like how m i supposed to be doing wif my messed up life?i cant help the way i feel. but everytime i do things i tot i haf done, i stand corrected, corrupted.i cant believe wad i learn about this world, then i realize i m too damn protected. leave mii alone. i nid no body telling me what i wanna gonna do. its my destiny my faith and i m fed-up wif ppl telling me to be someone else but not me...i m better off without euu... stinker and everybody... i m telling euu , dont go knocking on my life, i m alone and happy.. better get off my back....
people can take everything away, but they cant never take away wad's truely urs, the truth in euu. can euu handle mine?

That's my,take it or leave it
being crazy is my prerogative and some say i m nasty, i don gif it a damn. that's whu i m and euu gotto accept it to be my fwen. i m a bloody nasty fiend and that is the way i live. i try hard to make it right.everybody toking about me, why they let mii live alone. i don live permission to make my own decisions. dont get it wrong, i m not souped or haf mushrooms in my head, ego trips aint my thing and i see no wrong in spreading myself around..